For a long time (about four years), things hadn't been going the way I had hoped and planned. Everything seemed to be falling apart. To say that I was stressed is an understatement.
I would sit on my bed asking God why he would allow so many bad things to happen to me. I would ask him when my light at the end of the tunnel was going to appear.
It reached a point where I basically gave up. I couldn't even bring myself to ask God to bless me with this or that. I would often say to myself, "What's the point? My prayers won't even get answered. Something bad is still going to be waiting for me around the corner no matter how hard I pray."
I knew all the teachings that we should always have faith in God. I would often recall that hymn that comes from Isaiah 49:15, 'Can a mother forget a baby at her breast and have no compassion for the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will never forget you.' And verse 16 of the same chapter, 'See I have engraved you on the palm of my hands...' These words would give me a sense of peace but because I was unable to fully submit myself to the will of God on my life, this sense of peace wouldn't last too long. Before I knew it I would be back to feeling low and lost.
You see, I had been putting my trust in others and when they fell short, I was left bereft.
Something I heard from Joel Osteen snapped me back to reality. I don't remember exactly what he was preaching about but I do remember him encouraging us to put our trust completely in God. He spoke of allowing him to guide us down the right path, the path that He has chosen for us that will lead us to our true destiny versus our imagined destiny. I was especially touched by his honesty in saying that even if we let God act in our lives as He pleases, this does not guarantee that our lives will be a bed of roses. We will still have struggles. We will still encounter trying people in our lives, but this should push us to place even more trust in Him.
I took this message to heart. I have been reminding myself of God's love for me and how much He just wants the best for me. I now look at every challenge I have faced in the last four years with a different light. I don't see them as setbacks or punishment for my wrongdoing. I see them as lessons that I needed to learn, lessons that served to help me grow into a better human being. I look at myself four years ago and my present self and I can see a major difference. I see a stronger woman who isn't afraid of difficulties.
And now, I put all my trust in God. I have learnt that I can only ever rely on Him. He is the only one who has no ulterior motive. He helps me and guides me not for his benefit but for my benefit. I have finally learnt how to leave everything in God's hands and I couldn't be happier even in the face of adversity.
Have you gone through something similar? How did you cope?
Thank you for stopping by.
~The strong woman
~Book review: Things I will Tell My Daughter
~Life Update: I've Been Struggling