Grounded Narratives

Like every year before it, 2019 has come with a list of goals that I would like to accomplish. Some years back I discovered the importance of picking one theme and applying it to different parts of my life, throughout the year.  Last year, my good friend Sidi and I worked on positivity and I'm pleased to say that I saw quite a bit of a difference come December 2018. I have learnt to always see the bright side of things, to smile and focus on the end goal rather than complain about how difficult the process was. For 2019, I want to push myself to get out of my comfort zone and try new things.  I'm slowly transitioning to full-time work. This means that my life, as I've known and lived it the last four years is changing. I'm quite excited about this. It means that I can now work harder on my career goals. The downside of this is that I have even less time to spend on other pursuits like blogging. Bearing in mind that I haven't blogged for a while, I feel lik...

It pains me to say that over the last few years, I have experienced some very low moments, some of which I couldn't see a way out of. The upside of this is that I  managed to get through these trying times, pick myself up, move forward and learn some new skills. When it comes to pick me ups, it's easy to turn to a quick fix like shopping. I found this to be not only expensive but it added to my stress levels in the long run.  I therefore put together these five practices which have really helped me to get a lasting remedy for those down days. 1. Meditate Find out the root cause of your feelings. Many times when I find myself feeling very low, there's an underlying reason. For instance I haven't achieved my goals for the day or I have spent beyond my budget. Also, remind yourself of God's goodness, his love and purpose for you. 2. Let it out Speak to a friend, family member or partner about how you're feeling. Venting your frustrations to someone else...

I celebrated my 30th birthday this past Sunday, the 23rd. As the day approached I remained unsure of what I wanted to post to commemorate another year on this earth. But I decided to stop thinking too hard, simplify and basically focus on the one consistent life lesson I learned in my 20s. When I turned 20, I was mostly terrified. I had no idea where my life would lead. I wasn't the kind of girl who had her whole life planned out. I knew what I wanted to achieve but honestly, many of the things that happened in the course of those 10 years caught me completely off-guard. Sometimes I managed to pick myself up quite quickly but other times it took a little more effort.  The one lesson I learned in my 20s is to let life take its course, not to put limits on myself or timelines on my goals. When I looked at some of my peers, I realised that our lives are at completely different stages. That bothered me a lot towards the end of my 20s.  I felt like life had dealt me an unfai...

One of my goals for 2018 is to focus on positivity even when logic dictated otherwise. For the most part, I have done quite well but there are those days when I can't seem to remember to smile let alone to be grateful for my life. It was in one of those moments, when I'm grappling for a something, no matter how small, to make me smile that I came up with this list. Below are 5 things to remind yourself everyday that are sure to get you out of whatever funk you might be in. 1. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. If you don't think this about yourself, stand in front of the mirror every morning and tell yourself how beautiful you are. Forget about anything that has ever been said to you to the contrary. Avoid comparing yourself to others. See your own beauty and don't wait for others to tell you that you are beautiful. 2. God wants you to live a full, happy life. I read this one day when I was feeling particularly blue. I couldn't stop thinking about...

Happy new week! For as long as I can remember the new year for me brought with it a new struggle more than a fresh start. With each list of resolutions that I wrote, it would be more of a challenge to myself to accomplish more than I had in the previous year, to try something different and avoid going down the same paths over and over again and expect different results. It's pure insanity after all, Einstein said. For 2018, I have taken a different route and I have found new ways to challenge myself. I want to have a different year this year. I want to make it as memorable as possible. Below are 5 ways I'm challenging myself this year. 1. Speak less, act more. I like vocalising my thoughts.  I tell my family and closest friends of everything that I want to do. I mostly do this so that I can remain accountable. However, I had noticed that I would say one thing and perhaps as I tried to accomplish it, circumstances would change and consequently I would need to change my...

Happy new year everyone! I'm very glad 2018 is here. I'm turning 30 this year and this has served as a bit of a wake-up call. Towards the end of last year, I suddenly realised that I had been hiding from myself and my wants. Rather than doing what I knew deep down to be my true desire, I tried to do what I thought others wanted me to do. I fell into the trap of people-pleasing. I have always been wary of this, of living my life for the sake of others. Little did I know that I had slowly but surely been doing exactly this. So by the time Christmas was rolling in, I had made up my mind on what I wanted to change come 2018. 1. Positivity It's very easy to become negative when things don't seem to be going well. I have often become worried and negative asking myself why I can never catch a break, why this and that has to keep happening. But this year a good friend and I have said that we shall try as hard as we can to remain positive and whenever we feel ourselves ...

For a long time (about four years), things hadn't been going the way I had hoped and planned. Everything seemed to be falling apart. To say that I was stressed is an understatement. I would sit on my bed asking God why he would allow so many bad things to happen to me. I would ask him when my light at the end of the tunnel was going to appear. It reached a point where I basically gave up. I couldn't even bring myself to ask God to bless me with this or that. I would often say to myself, "What's the point? My prayers won't even get answered. Something bad is still going to be waiting for me around the corner no matter how hard I pray." I knew all the teachings that we should always have faith in God. I would often recall that hymn that comes from Isaiah 49:15, 'Can a mother forget a baby at her breast and have no compassion for the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will never forget you.' And verse 16 of the same chapter, 'See ...

Happy last day of November. I'm so excited for the last month of this year but before we get overtaken by the events of the holiday season, let's take a moment to  reflect on the happenings of the last month. This November I have been: Making lists. I have already worked on my new year's resolutions, current and next year's budget, and shopping lists for my and Elly's wardrobe overhaul. Eating healthier. I'm trying to eat less carbs especially at night and eat more vegetables and fruits. It's really hard to stay away from fried foods (like fries, yum!) but I'm taking it one day at a time. Drinking more water. I don't know what happened to me but post-baby, and that was almost four years ago, drinking enough water throughout the day has become such a struggle and I can't drink flavoured water so I just have to struggle through it. Reading Ian Rankin's Witch Hunt and my current favourite blog, Thought Catalog . Listening to Chr...

Looking back to when I was younger, there are some things that I wish I knew sooner. I realised the importance of some of the things on this list when I started living alone while I was in college. The others I have discovered through the years as I interacted with different people and while on a journey of self-discovery. This is not an exhaustive list, mind you, and if you have any other skills that you believe every young woman (or man for that matter) ought to know, please comment down below so that I can add them to the list. And don't forget to share this list with all the young women you know:) Let's help them learn these things as early as possible. Below are 20 things every young woman should know in no particular order. In the home 1. Basic repairs on clothes i.e. how to replace buttons, hemming, simple running stitches to repair gaping seams. 2. How to change a light bulb. 3. How to replace a fuse in a plug. 4. How to unclog a sink. 5. How to fix a ...

apologise ~ to express regret for something that one has done wrong. When I was growing up, I learned that apologies are made when I have done something wrong. The older I got the more I realised that I had started apologising for things that were in themselves not wrong but that someone else made me feel like I was wrong to feel that way. Over time, I have learned to stop myself from saying, "I'm sorry" just so that I can make someone else feel better when I haven't even wronged them. Below are 5 things that I have stopped apologising for. 1. Saying no If someone asks you to do something that you don't feel inclined to do or that makes you feel uncomfortable, don't be afraid to say no. A question usually warrants a yes or no answer. Don't allow anybody to coerce you into doing anything that you will later regret. Stand your ground and don't feel inclined to over-explain your decisions. 2. Having "me" time Ever since I became a mu...

I enjoy reading these posts so I thought I would put up my own version on the last day of every month just to share with you my favourites in the past month. Over the month of October I have been: Making chocolate chip mug cake  made in the microwave. I'm not the biggest fun of baking but my daughter loves baked goods so I have been forced to relearn how to bake and guess what, I'm enjoying it so much! Eating too much. My appetite has suddenly increased and it makes me worried because it means I need to work out more otherwise I will have to buy new clothes. Drinking a lot of black tea (strong tea for my fellow Kenyans). I don't know why but these days I crave tea :) Reading Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie's Half of a Yellow Sun and Joan Thatiah's I'm Too Pretty To Be Broke . Listening to A LOT of Charlie Puth. We don't talk anymore is my new favourite song. Loving my newfound inner strength. Planning a mummy-daughter day out. I recently had o...

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about the strong woman, the woman who many people refer to as strong. I have been going through some trying times and somehow I found the strength to stick to my decisions and not let anybody or anything sway my decision. I have found myself speaking up against injustices, refusing to accept them as the norm just because people say that's the way life is. I have found myself unafraid of facing an uncertain future. I feel like I have finally become the proverbial strong woman. I'm not talking about the woman who bullies everyone around her just so that she can get her way. She is kind-hearted, understanding and yet she doesn't allow anybody to take advantage of her good nature. She treats everybody right, whether or not they deserve it. I'm referring to that woman who knows herself. She knows her strengths, what good she brings to the table. She isn't boastful but she is proud of herself and her achievements. And yet, s...

I first heard of the book Things I Will Tell My Daughter through a friend of mine. Being a mother of a three-and-a-half year old girl, I felt compelled to read it. It took me a couple of months to actually go ahead and buy the book and once I started reading it, I couldn't put it down. The 180 page book is filled with tidbits of wisdom that I felt were necessary lessons for any woman, whether or not you are a mother. Upon completion, I vowed to ensure that all women in my life read that book because it is a treasure and it helped me more than I can explain. I read this book when I was at a point in my life where I was feeling very weak. I had been struggling with my self-confidence for a while. This in turn made me feel incapable of making and sticking to decisions. As I devoured the pages, I felt stronger, more empowered and ready to tackle all the challenges that had been bogging me down beforehand.  Ms Thatiah's advice on saying no and putting your needs ahe...

I'm an introvert. I don't make friends that easily and I struggle to maintain even those few friendships that I do make. I suffer a great deal when I find myself in situations where I am required to reach out to new people and make friends. In spite of this, I have managed to make a few friends who I think are lifelong friends. They aren't that many but I am happy with them. You see over the years, I have realized that I don't need to have tens of thousands of friends (which were very difficult to find anyway), what I needed were just a few, dependable friends. And in that respect, I now know that in order to maintain these friendships I need to work on them. Below are 7 ways to be a better friend. 1. Make time. Make time to spend with your friends. Visit them, go out together, be available to celebrate and to console when the time calls for it. 2. Listen to them. Avoid being the only one who speaks whenever you meet up. Allow them to talk about their l...

When I am stressed, no amount of cajoling or distractions can get me to focus on anything else. I am usually totally overtaken by whatever it is that is stressing me. Sometimes it gets so bad that I am unable to work. However, over time, I have realized that getting stressed and focusing so much on the negative, isn't good for me. Apart from making me impossible to live with, stress prevents me from enjoying the moment. In an effort to fight my tendency to dwell so much on what is stressing me, I have started practicing these 5 things below and I have started noticing a change. Below are 5 things to remind yourself when you are stressed. 1. All situations are temporary.  Nothing, whether good or bad, lasts forever. That's just the way life is. So remind yourself that this situation too will pass, given time. 2.You have survived all the difficult moments of your past. I particularly like to remind myself of this when I am feeling weakened and vulnerable from the burd...

I am a chronic overthinker. I have often caught myself over processing each situation. In the past, when I would have to make a decision, I would try to look at it from every angle, sometimes waking up in the middle of the night to think about it. One problem with overthinking is that if you have a small problem, you tend to build a mountain out of a molehill. If someone slights you, you tend to make a big deal out of it when that person never really meant to offend you. If you are something like me, below are other signs that you are a chronic overthinker. Signs that you are overthinking When you expect the worst to happen You question everything. Every situation makes you tense up You would rather someone else makes decisions for you You constantly have regrets You take things personally even when they aren't How to stop overthinking Allow yourself to only think about anything for a small amount of time. Don't allow your thoughts to go on and on and on ...

Over the last two weeks I have diligently followed the storm that has erupted after unretouched photos of Kim Kadarshian's rear appeared online. If you don't know what I'm talking about do a Google search. Basically Kim K., who is known for her world famous rear, posted photos filled with "imperfections" and as a result she lost 100,000 followers on Instagram, had to take down the photos and apologise to her followers for putting up unflattering photos. I understand that she has built her brand around her seemingly perfect body but the sad thing about this is that women and young girls around the world have started developing unrealistic expectations of how their bodies should look like. Some go to drastic measures just so that they can have hips, bust, waistline or even lips like so and so. Sometimes the measures they go through are so severe that they end up destroying their appearance entirely. I recently went through a phase where I hated my body. I had p...

The other day I was thinking about my life, trying to let go of some things so that I could move forward and it was hard! When I looked at the challenges I was facing at that time, I felt overwhelmed as I tried to decide what to do about them. You see in the past, if something bothered me I would simply push it aside and wait it out until it magically disappeared. And then I realized that problems don't magically disappear. They sit there waiting for you and keep cropping up until you actually sit down and solve them. I also realized that as much as I pretended to be happy and thought that I had moved on with my life, I wouldn't really succeed until I tackled each problem. Here are 5 lessons I learnt that I now know you need in order to move forward with your life. 1. Your past mistakes don't determine your future In as much as I like to think that my past mistakes were lessons that I needed to learn, sometimes I forget and think to myself, my life is like this beca...

I have been trying to work on keeping myself motivated throughout the year following the tips I shared on this post . However, I realized that in order to get through those days when I don't feel particularly motivated, I need to look deeper and discover what it is that makes me feel un-motivated. I came up with the 10 reasons below. 1. You get impatient waiting for the end result When your goal seems to perpetually loom beyond your reach, it can be easy to feel un-motivated. Remember to find joy and fulfillment in the process rather than only focusing on the end result. 2. You are overworked Most of the time when I feel unmotivated, it is because I am overworked. It is important to take breaks in between tasks, get enough sleep and take a few days off every couple of months to recharge. 3. Fear  Fear can have  a crippling effect on the progress you make in your life. Fear of failure or of the future prevents you from pushing yourself beyond your comfort...

I have a tendency to put off tasks until such a moment that I am approaching a deadline and then there's me scrambling to get things done. Part of the reason I postpone my work is because I might not be enjoying it or that I am not seeing any progress and thus feel discouraged. Having realized this  about myself I decided to look for ways to help me stop delaying my work and do it in good time. Below are 5 ways through which you too can stop procrastinating. 1. Be accountable Inform someone, a good friend or a family member, of what you want to accomplish. More often than not they will keep asking after your progress and this will force you to work on your goals if only to have something to show them. 2. Create a checklist Write down what your goals. For instance mine would be to blog more frequently. Then break it down to manageable tasks. In my case that is to decide on what I want to blog about from one day to the next, prepare each blog post and schedule it to go liv...